_Approach Anxiety - Heather's Perspective
Approach Anxiety - Heather’s Perspective
Rejection
When JT Tran mentioned that one reason guys don’t reach me might be as a result of approach anxiety, I needed to ask for clarification. I’d heard the term before, but didn’t fully understand it. He explained that sometimes guys, both Asian and never, do want to approach a girl but are afraid of rejection or intimidated by her that they get scared and down again. Because he describes as part of his article here, approaching is paradoxically the most and lowest part of seduction, but nerve-wracking, nonetheless.
Rejection_
I was literally speechless to know about approach anxiety from him. Here’s a dating coach and expert on such matters validating something I’d shrugged off all my life revolving round the concept of rejection.
I’d received the run-around before, mostly once i was younger. “You’re so beautiful, how's it going not dating anyone? Oh, no one’s asked you? They’re just shy, afraid of your beauty. Don’t worry, someone will ask soon.” Obviously, Irrrve never believed them. How conceited should i be to think the only reason nobody is asking me out is because I are simply just too gorgeous, too radiant, too amazing to become approached? Those men were experiencing and enjoying the dreaded approach anxiety and purely afraid to feel rejection.
It wasn’t until earlier this year which i thought there could be something to the theory. As I sat during my school library, some guy that had been in one of my classes two years prior walked behind my chair and, without stopping, dropped a note on my small books and hurried off. His note included his phone number plus a promise to create to start a date. I had been seeing someone at the time, but chose to text him, thanking him for that note but politely declining.
His response gave me a little depth to approach anxiety: he explained he previously been waiting since our class 2 yrs ago for his chance to ask me out but never got the courage until tomorrow. I felt so bad after hearing that, I wanted him to find out I wasn’t lying about seeing someone; I added him on facebook and we still be in contact today.
I'm able to appreciate being fearful of rejection - I’ve confessed my feelings to guys before and had them denied. It absolutely was nerve-wracking, and that i emerged using a bruised ego, however i got right support and persisted despite feeling the sting of rejection. I’m unsure, however, if guys can grasp how their approach anxiety affects girls…
In senior high school, I was never asked to a school dance. I proceeded one date my sophomore year, but he didn’t even take a look at me while he was asking me out. I suppose it’s easier to speak with a woman when you’re both facing the same way and mildly emphasizing schoolwork. I was totally not interested in him (he’s White, he can’t help it), but I ended up eventually going out with him simply because who else had ever inquired about. I wasn’t asked out again face-to-face until college. To me,
What it's all about I acquired, loud and clear, was i wasn't attractive enough for someone to pay a night time beside me. I constantly thought I had been too fat, even though my BMI said otherwise. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t pretty in non-Asians eyes. I know this seems odd, however the most of the guys that will hit on me, all online via myspace or facebook, were Asian. While this didn’t set me on my path to date strictly Asians, since i have was already there, it did reinforce the idea that I had been unattractive for the mostly Caucasian population of my community.
I felt bad about myself. I felt like I wasn’t interesting, pretty, or funny. I would see other girls around me getting asked out, knowing that I was a better catch, and simply feeling exasperated. I can’t be experiencing rejection because I’m too pretty - pretty girls get asked out. What’s wrong with me at night and why and I feeling constant rejection?
As I’ve gotten older and wiser, some truth to approach anxiety. Because i won't ever stroke my ego enough to allow me blame those dateless Friday nights on it, I understand how hard it could be to muster up the courage approach someone that may turn me down. On the other side, though, there are lonely, beautiful girls on the market, wondering what’s wrong using them because guys can’t overcome that approach anxiety to make them feel date-worthy.
Rejection
When JT Tran mentioned that one reason guys don’t reach me might be as a result of approach anxiety, I needed to ask for clarification. I’d heard the term before, but didn’t fully understand it. He explained that sometimes guys, both Asian and never, do want to approach a girl but are afraid of rejection or intimidated by her that they get scared and down again. Because he describes as part of his article here, approaching is paradoxically the most and lowest part of seduction, but nerve-wracking, nonetheless.
Rejection_
I was literally speechless to know about approach anxiety from him. Here’s a dating coach and expert on such matters validating something I’d shrugged off all my life revolving round the concept of rejection.
I’d received the run-around before, mostly once i was younger. “You’re so beautiful, how's it going not dating anyone? Oh, no one’s asked you? They’re just shy, afraid of your beauty. Don’t worry, someone will ask soon.” Obviously, Irrrve never believed them. How conceited should i be to think the only reason nobody is asking me out is because I are simply just too gorgeous, too radiant, too amazing to become approached? Those men were experiencing and enjoying the dreaded approach anxiety and purely afraid to feel rejection.
It wasn’t until earlier this year which i thought there could be something to the theory. As I sat during my school library, some guy that had been in one of my classes two years prior walked behind my chair and, without stopping, dropped a note on my small books and hurried off. His note included his phone number plus a promise to create to start a date. I had been seeing someone at the time, but chose to text him, thanking him for that note but politely declining.
His response gave me a little depth to approach anxiety: he explained he previously been waiting since our class 2 yrs ago for his chance to ask me out but never got the courage until tomorrow. I felt so bad after hearing that, I wanted him to find out I wasn’t lying about seeing someone; I added him on facebook and we still be in contact today.
I'm able to appreciate being fearful of rejection - I’ve confessed my feelings to guys before and had them denied. It absolutely was nerve-wracking, and that i emerged using a bruised ego, however i got right support and persisted despite feeling the sting of rejection. I’m unsure, however, if guys can grasp how their approach anxiety affects girls…
In senior high school, I was never asked to a school dance. I proceeded one date my sophomore year, but he didn’t even take a look at me while he was asking me out. I suppose it’s easier to speak with a woman when you’re both facing the same way and mildly emphasizing schoolwork. I was totally not interested in him (he’s White, he can’t help it), but I ended up eventually going out with him simply because who else had ever inquired about. I wasn’t asked out again face-to-face until college. To me,
What it's all about I acquired, loud and clear, was i wasn't attractive enough for someone to pay a night time beside me. I constantly thought I had been too fat, even though my BMI said otherwise. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t pretty in non-Asians eyes. I know this seems odd, however the most of the guys that will hit on me, all online via myspace or facebook, were Asian. While this didn’t set me on my path to date strictly Asians, since i have was already there, it did reinforce the idea that I had been unattractive for the mostly Caucasian population of my community.
I felt bad about myself. I felt like I wasn’t interesting, pretty, or funny. I would see other girls around me getting asked out, knowing that I was a better catch, and simply feeling exasperated. I can’t be experiencing rejection because I’m too pretty - pretty girls get asked out. What’s wrong with me at night and why and I feeling constant rejection?
As I’ve gotten older and wiser, some truth to approach anxiety. Because i won't ever stroke my ego enough to allow me blame those dateless Friday nights on it, I understand how hard it could be to muster up the courage approach someone that may turn me down. On the other side, though, there are lonely, beautiful girls on the market, wondering what’s wrong using them because guys can’t overcome that approach anxiety to make them feel date-worthy.